Olympic guest post

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/08/04/sports/olympics/20080804_MEDALCOUNT_MAP.html

South Korea is currently in third place in the 2008 Olympic medal count, with 12. Nearly all of those medals are in sports derived from warfare, with the sole exceptions of swimming, which some may argue is merely a good way to creep up on your enemies, and weightlifting, which, after watching the The Incredible Hulk, could probably be considered about as badass a form of combat as anything Marvel Comics can dream up. They hold medals in Archery, Fencing, Shooting, Judo, and of course, Drew's favorite, Greco-Roman Wrestling. I guess when you share your sole land boarder with a rouge nation boasting the fifth largest standing army in the world and a maniacal man-boy leader, it influences your athletic pursuits and pastimes.

-Epoche blog chief paranoia contributor, Dekker Deacon

Question and Answer Session at Orientation

Student 1: Is the anatomy lab open after hours?
Professor: Yes, of course, this isn't undergrad. Its open 24/7.
Student 2: (raises hand urgently) Is it open on the weekend?
Professor: (scratches his head) Moving on.

Orientation

Life is a fatal, sexually transmitted disease
-Our Ob/Gyn professor

So today was the first day of orientation, or as I like to call it, my attempt at getting through an entire 7 hours without offending too many ethnic groups. Its been a struggle. Today, I almost made it, with my apologies to lesbians and Italians everywhere. I tried.

I figure if I can get through this year without offending the Asian girls and Jewish boys that compose 90% of my school (with a few Jewish girls and Asian boys thrown in for diversity), I can call it a successful year. It'll probably be a lot easier once NBC stops showing freakish Chinese gymnasts on TV.

So orientation basically consists of sitting in an auditorium, learning about the 450 forms you have to fill in the next 72 hours. They let you stew in that information for a good hour or two as you listen to about 50 faculty members, at which point they'll give you a 15 minute break to be bounced around a bunch of offices in a desperate attempt to pay for your tuition. But, hey, free food.

Interesting idea

"If someone tries anything the secret server better be protecting him, not me."
-John McCain

So I was having a bad day at work, and then I realized I had frozen Go-Gurt in the freezer, and then it became a good day at work.

Newsflash

Frozen Go-Gurt is awesome.

However, its a bittersweet eating experience, as you realize with every delicious bite there is one less Go-Gurt in your freezer.

So apparently there are Senator Obama/McCain condoms circulating Manhattan. I dunno what is more upsetting: the sight of John McCain giving you some encouraging thumbs-up right before coitus or the fact that this story is being featured in the Chinese media.

Things I hate

The following media buzzwords nauseate me more than Anderson Cooper's befuddled face.

1) Delegate-rich state
2) "Vetting"
3) Post-racial
4) Hillary Clinton
5) Maverick

I propose the following replacements (1) "Big", (2) "Choosing", (3) "Black", (5) John McCain.