The Epoché

Post-election day

2008-11-05T15:37:00.000-08:00

So a nice bonus about the Obama win is that I have an easy ice-breaker for patients at our clinic. I was talking to one mother about the celebration in the street; apparently, in her neighborhood (East New York), people were firing guns into the air. I'm sure Obama would be proud.

Finally, here's a choice bit from the Fed that they snuck in underneath all of the election news:

New York—Michael Alix has been named a senior vice president in the Bank Supervision Group of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. He will serve as a senior advisor to William L. Rutledge, executive vice president, Bank Supervision Group. Mr. Alix’s appointment was made by the Bank’s board of directors and is effective, November 3, 2008.

Most recently, Mr. Alix worked for the Bear Stearns Companies, Inc., where he served as chief risk officer from 2006-2008 and global head of credit risk management from 1996-2006.

I mean, it wasn't enough that they got a former Bear Sterns exec... it had to be the RISK OFFICER.

Wowser.

Election night

2008-11-05T05:58:00.000-08:00

So I ended up voting Obama/Biden. Partially, it was a gut thing; I thought about how disappointing it'd be the next day if McCain were president. But my rationale justification was that the Republican party is where the Democratic party was 4-6 years ago: in its death-throes. No central ideas or solid plans, no sense of real direction, just maintain the status quo. And like the Dems over the past year, the only real opposition is driven by anger and zealotry, not rationality or proof. And Obama has shown that, in practice, he's more pragmatic than ideological (and hopefully Rubin and Volcker can convince him that "fairness" has limited use in economic policy). So I'm okay with seeing what the Democratic party does; just gotta hope don't they screw up like the last two times they were in power (fortunately, a lot of their seats are up for grabs in 2012).

One thought is that even as America goes Democrat, EU has already begun going more to the right (I'm thinking Sarkozy or Merkel, to a lesser extent, Brown). Politics on continents have shifted due to economic pressure. Since a European conservative is essentially a moderate American liberal, it seems like we're nearing a Western political consensus.

Last night itself was pretty insane in Brooklyn. People started gathering on the major street corner, encouraged by car honking. In fact, the chorus of cheers elicited could be graded by the size of the honking vehicle. Small sedan, big SUV, van, bus, and finally GARBAGE TRUCK each drew progressively larger crowds. So, basically, imagine a rally of grown 2-year old boys. Eventually people figured out, hey, they can dance in the MIDDLE of the street, which was slightly more exciting than dancing on that boring sidewalk. So a bunch of nerdy white professionals started dancing in the street, while the police just sort of laughed and thanked the higher power that they were assigned to a neighborhood that they singlehandedly kick the shit out of. I tried to capture some video on camera phone, but it didn't really do the scene justice, so here's something from the Columbia Blue and White website. It was taken up on Broadway and 115th.

Basically, same idea as Park Slope, except slightly younger white nerds.

South Park

2008-10-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a good friggin' episode of South Park. Given all the opportunity for cynicism and satire right now, its interesting that they went for an inspiration plot. Normally, their preachy episodes aren't as funny, but this one was able to keep it light all the way up to the signature South Park concluding lecture.

Great stuff.

Four year rant

2008-10-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

So the election season is looking like its pretty much over. Unless Obama plans on rebutting McCain in the final debate solely by projecting his voice to his butt, he's got this thing wrapped up. And its looking like its going to be a landslide.

So I should be thrilled, right? I mean, I'm a 20-something year-old male from the East Coast whose major occupation over the past decade has been studying trivial bullshit that I might be able to use at cocktail parties. Fuck, I'm even starting to use the term cocktail party. You can almost see my Obama/MLK XXXL "Dream" t-shirt if you stare closely enough through the screen.

But I'm really just disappointed. At the beginning of February, I figured this would be the first election in my lifetime that wouldn't be between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Two guys that were supposedly above partisan politics, who actually thoughtfully deliberated on issues, instead of reading off the memo from their respective party's think tank. Now I realize that these guy's are so beholden to the biggest bunch of bozos this side of the Atlantic that its really just a matter of picking my poison. I realize a lot of my thinking is "guilt by association," but at a certain point, you expect these semi-intelligent men to stand back and realize, wow, I am totally surrounded by a bunch of douche nozzles.

Choice 1: You have a guy who gave almost a MILLION dollars to a group that for the past 4 presidential elections has distinguished itself for its complete disregard for electoral procedures. What was this money for? To help voter registration. He then was so desperate to get in good with unions that he started spouting stupid isolationist diatribes against globalism. Then, when he realized he was actually saying this stuff on national TV when people with half a brain cell could listen, he all of sudden backtracked on everything he said. Hey, its just words! But those are just the constituents he's trying to appease. WITHIN his circle of advisers he chose Jim Johnson. A man who made a good chunk of money figuring out ways to get health insurance executives MORE money (of course, this was after he held positions at Lehman Brother and Fannie Mae, and took loans from Countrywide). Home run.

That brings us to Choice 2: The guy who pretty much hammered the final nail in the coffin of whatever iota of intellect that was left in the GOP by picking Vice President Rambo. I didn't think it was possible to get a generation of Jewish grandma's to vote against McCain, but the maverick figured it out: find a woman who epitomizes shiksa, who named her child after an 8th grade math class. Her greatest accomplishment so far has been NOT to act like a TOTAL ding-dong on at least one televised event. This is the guy whose decided his main constituents are going to be named after a means of packaging beer. Between you and me, I think Joe Six-Pack has become a little bit smug with all the media attention; its time we start representing Steve Thirty-Rack or Kenny Keg-Stand. The idea is we find someone so inebriated and stupid that when you unveil your plan to save the economy, he won't realize it was already packaged into legislation that's been on the news non-stop for the past 72 hours.

The good news? I found this video:

2008-08-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

2008-08-20T18:39:00.001-07:00

Dammit, just realized I am an emo blogger.

Reflection on first week

2008-08-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

So the first week is almost over, and its a little hard to get a sense of the semester ahead. Right now, I'm spending about an 1-2 hours reviewed material just lectured upon and 1-2 hours previewing the next week. Those numbers are probably going to double in a few weeks when things pick up. You start feeling entrapped by the curriculum: you can tell your life the next few years will be dictated by the school work. Your activities won't be dictated by what you WANT to do as much as what you CAN do. I'm not complaining; the information itself is pretty empowering.

We've also been introduced to ECM, or Essentials to Clinical Medicine. The course is supposed to teach us how to become counselors and partners of patients, a departure from the paternalism of the past. Instead of dictating orders to repair a disorder, we learn about working with the patient to understand their values and needs and to tailor their treatment to those ends. I agree with it in theory, but there's a lot of bullshit you have to wade through once you get past the basic principles. For example, one chapter in our required reading discusses different words to express emotions (use "infuriate" for intense anger, "irritate" for minor anger, and "anger" for moderate anger).

One term that gets thrown around a lot in our reading is "value." While I like that they're being brought up, I'm interested to see how they address values. How do you address the values of your patient if they're a child? Do you use the parents' values as surrogate? What if you patient is mentally invalid or masochistic? What if they're inherently wrong (maybe a man feels like its his right to have unprotected sex with non-consenting women)?

Right now, I feel like "values-based medicine" is a term academics throw around to make themselves feel better or more sensitive towards the patient. The bottom-line is you can't be an insensitive jerk, with each case being unique. There's no one paradigm for patient care. I don't know if that can be taught in a class, but I guess they're going to try. We'll see how it goes.

Olympic guest post

2008-08-13T19:59:00.001-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/08/04/sports/olympics/20080804_MEDALCOUNT_MAP.html

South Korea is currently in third place in the 2008 Olympic medal count, with 12. Nearly all of those medals are in sports derived from warfare, with the sole exceptions of swimming, which some may argue is merely a good way to creep up on your enemies, and weightlifting, which, after watching the The Incredible Hulk, could probably be considered about as badass a form of combat as anything Marvel Comics can dream up. They hold medals in Archery, Fencing, Shooting, Judo, and of course, Drew's favorite, Greco-Roman Wrestling. I guess when you share your sole land boarder with a rouge nation boasting the fifth largest standing army in the world and a maniacal man-boy leader, it influences your athletic pursuits and pastimes.

-Epoche blog chief paranoia contributor, Dekker Deacon

Question and Answer Session at Orientation

2008-08-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

Student 1: Is the anatomy lab open after hours?
Professor: Yes, of course, this isn't undergrad. Its open 24/7.
Student 2: (raises hand urgently) Is it open on the weekend?
Professor: (scratches his head) Moving on.

Orientation

2008-08-11T17:28:00.001-07:00

Life is a fatal, sexually transmitted disease
-Our Ob/Gyn professor

So today was the first day of orientation, or as I like to call it, my attempt at getting through an entire 7 hours without offending too many ethnic groups. Its been a struggle. Today, I almost made it, with my apologies to lesbians and Italians everywhere. I tried.

I figure if I can get through this year without offending the Asian girls and Jewish boys that compose 90% of my school (with a few Jewish girls and Asian boys thrown in for diversity), I can call it a successful year. It'll probably be a lot easier once NBC stops showing freakish Chinese gymnasts on TV.

So orientation basically consists of sitting in an auditorium, learning about the 450 forms you have to fill in the next 72 hours. They let you stew in that information for a good hour or two as you listen to about 50 faculty members, at which point they'll give you a 15 minute break to be bounced around a bunch of offices in a desperate attempt to pay for your tuition. But, hey, free food.

Interesting idea

2008-06-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

"If someone tries anything the secret server better be protecting him, not me."
-John McCain

So I was having a bad day at work, and then I realized I had frozen Go-Gurt in the freezer, and then it became a good day at work.

Newsflash

2008-06-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Frozen Go-Gurt is awesome.

However, its a bittersweet eating experience, as you realize with every delicious bite there is one less Go-Gurt in your freezer.

2008-06-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

So apparently there are Senator Obama/McCain condoms circulating Manhattan. I dunno what is more upsetting: the sight of John McCain giving you some encouraging thumbs-up right before coitus or the fact that this story is being featured in the Chinese media.

Things I hate

2008-06-12T17:01:00.001-07:00

The following media buzzwords nauseate me more than Anderson Cooper's befuddled face.

1) Delegate-rich state
2) "Vetting"
3) Post-racial
4) Hillary Clinton
5) Maverick

I propose the following replacements (1) "Big", (2) "Choosing", (3) "Black", (5) John McCain.

Awkward turtle

2008-06-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

So, see how there's a big market for awkward anecdotes, I've decided to catalog my awkward moments on this blog.

First up, the "pre-mature goodbye." Like most things with preceded by "pre-mature," it can be pretty embarrassing when you get on the subway with one of your co-workers, do your best to stretch out the conversation until you finally see their stop. Having successfully survived what could have been an awkward moment, you blurt out a victorious "see you tomorrow!" only to wait for the subway to come to a slow, slow grinding halt. And then the solid 10 seconds as you wait for the doors to eventually slide open. There's no time to start a new conversation, but you just terminated that lame-ass explanation of what you were planning to do this weekend. So with each squeek of those subway brakes, you can feel your soul become shallower than that shallow dialog you just forced.

And what about the "What's up/How are you" mix-up? You know, when someone asks what's up, and you tell them "alright?" For example, when time I walked past a girl who I was in a couple of classroom discussions with. Nothing big, but enough that we were socially obligated to acknowledge the other actually existed when we ran into each other in the halls. I like to get around this with the old-fashioned head nod, but my go-to move was destroyed when she actually asked me "Hey, whats up?" I began to respond "pretty good," but thankfully I stopped myself short. So it goes something like this:

Girl: Hey, what's up?
Me: Pretty... (blank stare)

At that point I cut my losses, tucked my head down, stuffed a cafeteria bagel down my mouth and got the hell out of there.

Time Out New York Kids tried to scoop me

2008-06-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

So, even TONY Kids wants to get in on the Camp Rock action. Some character named Julia Israel is trying to invade my beat. Well, Julia, game on. First point goes to you for getting the name of the movie correct, something I technically failed to do in my last post.

Check out the trailer for Camp Rock:

Red carpet, playa

2008-06-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

Generally words to avoid when you make your suggestions: sequined, man-gini or ass-less. Otherwise, sky's the limit.
So, the Epcoche has been invited to its first red carpet affair. Its for the Disney Channel (heard of it? I thought so) movie premier of "Rock Camp," and I need help dressing myself. Zac Efron is going to be there, so I need to bring my A-game if I'm going to earn my spot on "High School Musical III."

Any ideas? The theme is Rock n' Roll, Jonas Bros. style:

Jews vs. Obama

2008-05-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

The NYtimes has a great article about how Jews are (semi)-racist morons when it comes to Obama. Wonderful. Someone actually started putting Jewish grandparents on record. Now the ridiculous stuff that gets said over the course of a Passover seder is public knowledge.

This could get ugly. Obama supporters are INSANE, and with articles like these, probably increasingly anti-semitic.

Screwing the pooch

2008-05-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

So, this year, I've been using the term "screw the pooch" quite often (a phrase you generally don't want to hear/use in a research lab. Hopefully, it won't appear to often when I'm a doctor). Wiktionary provides an interesting history of the term:

The term was first documented in the early "Mercury" days of the US space program. It came there from a Yale graduate named John Rawlings who helped design the astronauts' space suits. The phrase is actually a bastardisation of an earlier, more vulgar and direct term which was slang for doing something very much the wrong way, as in "you are f*cking the dog!" At Yale a friend of Rawlings', the radio DJ Jack May (a.k.a. "Candied Yam Jackson") amended this term to "screwing the pooch" which was simultaneously less vulgar and more pleasing to the ear.

I have a great image of someone walking into a dark room,looking forward to anevening of marital bless, and making a fatal error with Fluffy.

On a lighter note...

2008-05-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

To avoid being labeled the Larry Summers of blogs with Greek titles, here's an article discussing gay ape sex.

Interesting NYTimes article

2008-05-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

An interesting article by Michael Sokolove is appearing in the May 11th NYTimes magazine. The article is adapted from his book, "Warrior Girls: Protecting Our Daughters Against the Injury Epidemic in Women’s Sports." I wonder if the timing of the story has anything to do with the Eight Belles controversy.

Here's an excerpt:

By Janelle’s and her mother’s count, her club team, with 18 players, had suffered eight A.C.L. tears — eight — during her high-school years: Janelle’s two, another player’s two and four other girls with one each. A high-school teammate one class above Janelle endured chronic ankle problems and, according to a Miami Herald article, six ankle operations — three in each leg — over the course of her four years on the varsity soccer team...
Girls and boys diverge in their physical abilities as they enter puberty and move through adolescence. Higher levels of testosterone allow boys to add muscle and, even without much effort on their part, get stronger. In turn, they become less flexible. Girls, as their estrogen levels increase, tend to add fat rather than muscle. They must train rigorously to get significantly stronger. The influence of estrogen makes girls’ ligaments lax, and they outperform boys in tests of overall body flexibility — a performance advantage in many sports, but also an injury risk when not accompanied by sufficient muscle to keep joints in stable, safe positions. Girls tend to run differently than boys — in a less-flexed, more-upright posture — which may put them at greater risk when changing directions and landing from jumps. Because of their wider hips, they are more likely to be knock-kneed — yet another suspected risk factor.

Interesting stuff, supported by a few empirical observations I've had in the sport trainer's room during college and high school. At the higher levels, the girl swimmers were absolute work horses (with the bandaging and icebags to prove it), and literally worked themselves to the point of tears. While most of the guys worked their brains out too, there were a fair share of natural athletes, especially sprinters, who could dog it for the majority of practice without seeing the difference in their times. And their seemed to be less of a psychological toll, but thats another issue in and of itself.

Clearly , we have to reevaluate our conception of "equality" so that we can recognize concrete differences between without stymieing opportunity. The article also makes some excellent points about athletics during the teenage years; males and females should diversify their interests to avoid the repetitive motion that leads to strains and tears.

Some inspiring words

2008-05-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

I just got back to work after a week-long vacation in an island off of Mexico, and I was a little worried about readjusting to life on the mainland. Fortunately, my boss has been more than accommodating. For example, when I was going over my data with my boss, we recognized a little slip in my data entry. I noted that the slip didn't change the data, just misrepresented my thought-process. I think the number one concern for supervisors (at least in the life sciences) is having their underlings keep a comprehensible log of their work, mostly for posterity. We could drop dead of some strange, lab-constructed influenza, and everything would be fine as long as we neatly explained just how we constructed the virus and the precise trajectory in which we collapsed.

So, as I left his office, he offered this nice little tidbit when we came across my error (try to read it in the dryest, British voice you can muster):

Now, you know what I always say... what happens if you get hit by a bus the tomorrow? Sure, at first, we'll say, ah poor guy, what a loss. But then we'd say, ah, that fucker [sic] deserved it, he was always fucking mislabeling his [Excel spreadsheet] columns. And if he keeps doing it, I might be the one driving that bus.

I don't know what amused me more. The fact that 1) despite his claim, I'm pretty sure that was the first time he said that or 2) he maintained an absolute deadpan face throughout that little piece of wisdom.

My beautiful blog

2008-04-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

While several physician authored books line the shelves, plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Alexander Salzhauer has broken barriers by entering the children's picture book market with "My Beautiful Mommy." In beautifully woven tale, a curious daughter accompanies her mother as she pursues her dreams of personal betterment through nose jobs. "Dr. Michael" manages to answer several concerns young children might have, such as their mistaken belief that their mother "is already pretty." Observe (illustrations courtesy of Big Tent Publications):

Ah! So that explains why mommy is popping out of her shirt! I'm so excited for the sequel, "My Appropriately-Dressed Mommy." I'm also excited for, "My Peppy Papa," detailing a young boy's trip to the urologist with his father to pick up some "extra happy pills" which will allow him to have "fun indoor activities with mommy."

Exceptional use of the internet

2008-04-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

Well done, beedogs. Well done.

New idea

2008-04-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

So, following up on my theory that its easier to make a blog than to update an existing one, I propose the following experiment: instead of writing new posts every day, I will create a new blog every day. Really keep my audience on its toes.

Thats a joke.

Anyway, some birthday present highlights: Operation (the board game), BBC Natural History DVD collection (which includes Planet Earth, The Blue Planet, Life of Birds and Life of Mammals), some sick MetroFi earbud headphones and a large knight/ninja foam sword for various lab tasks, mostly involving me demolishing my lab partner when they're humming too loud.

Rocky? Really?

2008-04-05T15:32:00.000-07:00

So Hillary's new theme of the week is Rocky. While this is not news, I just saw a clip of her getting played out to the theme song on Letterman, and I couldn't believe. Has anyone told her that the movie consists of a white person attempting to beat up a black guy, but ultimately getting hospitalized? I thought race was supposed to be a "hot-button issue" (quickly becoming the stupidest media buzzphrase after "delegate-rich state). How'd this one get through?

Romantic or creepy?

2008-04-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

So in her editorial today, Maureen Dowd talks about Obama's new attempt at wooing the female voter.

Later, at a Scranton town hall, [Barack Obama] went up to Denise Mercuri, a pharmacist from Dunmore wearing a Hillary button. “What do I need to do? Do you want me on my knees?” he charmed, before promising: “I’ll give you a kiss.”

This sort of proves a point I made to a friend yesterday. Romantic gestures are essentially just creepy gestures performed by attractive people. Think about it. Imagine John Cussack standing on your lawn, holding up a boombox crooning sweet love songs to you. Now imagine that same scenario, but with Johnny replaced by that guy on the subway who spent just a tad too much time staring at your crotch.

Fortunately, its all relative. The important thing is that you are equal to or more attractive than the lucky subject of your romantic advances. Clearly, since romance is such a complicated and beautiful art, which poets and philosophers have spent centuries contemplating, there are other factors to take into consideration. Primarily, body odor.

Warrior diet

2008-03-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

So, as many of you know, I have spent the past several years searching for a diet that gets me in shape and energized, with the added benefit of transforming me into a sword-wielding Roman soldier. FINALLY, Ori Hofmekler (Polish for "half of a mekler") has heard my prayers. The basic premise is that you have an undereating phase during the day, in which you snack on raw vegetables, nuts and the babies pillaged from conquered villages, followed by a massive feast at night. This appparently simulates the lifestyle of famous warriors, including Ghengis Khan.

This diet is probably the first to be "based on survival science and anthropological research." So from a scientific perspective, if you follow this diet, there's a pretty good statistical chance you will "survive." I'll put that down as a pro. However, one of the cons that you are required to "increase intake of anti-estrogenic foods and herbs." So there goes my daily snack of birth control pills. I'm a little ambivalent about the detox regiment of "minimizing animal food." I'm not sure if that means not eating cow, or not eating the cud that the cow fed on. I wouldn't be surprised if Roman soldiers did both.

I think I'll give this one a try. Just so you know, if you see me walking around with a Nalgene full of the blood of my vanquished foes.

Weekend update

2008-03-22T13:32:00.001-07:00

Dear Blog,

Someone recently told me that the only thing worse then a blogger is a blogger that starts up a blog but is to big of pussy to keep it updated. Sorry, Grandma, I'll try to do better.

So the first update is: I am now beginning each entry with "Dear Blog." I'll see where that takes me.

Today's a busy day (I'm starting a letter campaign to beseech my med school of choice to accept me), but stay tuned for an explanation of my current job researching genetic therapy. It should be a real crowd-pleaser. To tide you over, here's a story about a women who became stuck to her toilet after sitting in it for 2 years, non-stop. Enjoy.

Legalized boinking

2008-03-12T18:35:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of relieved to see this whole Spitzer thing come up. Mostly, it means I can turn on the news without hearing the term "delegate-rich state" enough times to projectile vomit all over Anderson Cooper's consternated face (and by consternated, I mean the Webster dictionary alternative definition, to look constipated). But I also enjoy it, because you gotta figure that somewhere this conversation is going to turn to legalizing prostitution.

Seriously, why do we have so many laws that actually increase crime? By legalizing prostitution and bringing it out into the mainstream, we'll reduce violent crime, underage sex and the spread of STDs. As a business, it would be regulated and forced to uphold standards. There would be set age limits and everyone involved would be screened/forced to wear protection. Sure, there would still be underground elements for the really freaky stuff (as Tracy Morgan so aptly stated, "Freaky-deaky's need love too... freaky-deaky's need love too"), stuff that couldn't be legalized, but these establishments would have to compete with legitimate operations. Compare this to the current practice, where someone just keeps driving until they find a person that looks cracked out enough to do anything.

Plus, it seems like there's already a pretty major loophole out there. Namely, you can still pay a person to perform sexual acts, just as long as you tape the activity and distribute it to neon-lit stores open 24 hours. I don't understand why someone doesn't just set up a porn studio and hold open auditions. You just happen to have a hot dog stand where you charge like $500 for a Hebrew National. I don't know why I went right for hot dogs there, but you get the idea.

I understand there's a real issue with objectifying women. Alright, I'll give you that. However, I still say its better than the current situation, where women are herded up by an abusive criminal and exploited even more so. At least with legalization, women can cut out the middle man or even unionize.

Million dollar idea

2008-03-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

Department stores need a guy lounge. I made this realization when I had to wait in the lingerie department, surrounded by ads composed largely of boobs, and yet bored out of my mind.

The concept isn't that hard. You have a big screen TV, showing either some sort of non-World's Strongest Man athletic event, or a Japanese game show where awkward contestants attempt to brave an obstacle course without getting their testes rearranged.

The rules will be simple. The only meal that will be served will be Buffalo wings, and the only vegetable will be blue cheese. There will be no small talk. The only time you could ask someone what "they do" would be if you were going into cardiac arrest and needed to know if they happened to be a doctor. Preferably at halftime or during a commercial break. Otherwise, no conversation at all, except to ask for scores or to clarify how completely awesome it was when that Japanese guy face-planted into that foam rock.

The great thing is that the whole thing would pay for itself. You would have guy-targeted advertising. This means no ads that don't include one of the following words: super-charged, microwaveable, or Super Mario Bros.

Polar bears

2008-03-06T15:15:00.000-08:00

I wonder if the people trying to save the polar bears ever have conflicts with the people who try to save seals. Shouldn't we be devoting more of our time to preserving a bear whose diet DOESN'T consist of adorable marine mammals? I mean, whats the cutest thing a panda bear ate, a piece of bamboo shaped like a daschund puppy?

I'm just saying.

Blogging, cajun-style

2008-03-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to take a cue from James Carville and incorporate the term "Cajun-style" into my everyday vernacular. I feel like its a perfect descriptor for everything from the type of cuisine I enjoy to the manner in which I extract and purify DNA (cajun-style!). Its my "go-to" term.

It works because no one is 100% sure exactly what it means, except that it entails a big slice of awesome and possibly a funny accent. As a bonus, its a great way to break an awkward silence, or add some zip to a fairly lackluster story. Example:

Some dude: ...so after that long battle with hypoglycemia, we finally decided it was time to put our beloved pet catfish, Remy, to sleep.

Me: Cajun-style?

Also, in other news, I saw a guy in my building wearing a bowtie. More to come as that story develops.

Hope and health care

2008-03-05T17:11:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty skeptical about most public health studies. The more complex the subject of interest, the more variables you can't control for, and it doesn't get much more complex then human health and society. However, its hard to ignore the results of the Whitehall study. For one, there's the magnitude. The original study had a cohort of over 10,000 English civil servants. Second, the results, from a correlation standpoint, are almost perfect.

"The Whitehall studies found a strong association between grade levels of civil servant employment and mortality rates from a range of causes. Men in the lowest grade (messengers, doorkeepers, etc.) had a mortality rate three times higher than that of men in the highest grade (administrators)."

(Thats from Wikipedia so feel free to change it if you disagree with anything I say). Basically, the study showed a near linear correlation between rank and susceptibility to a variety of illness, ranging from cardiovascular disease to stroke. Are the factors that DON'T correlate to disease. Obviously, one would expect rich people to be better off than the poor. They can afford better food, better health care, etc. But the only problem is there isn't enough economic spread between, say, a level 3 and a level 6 civil servant to explain away the MAJOR differences in health outcome. Plus, while some private health care is availability to the wealthy in England, the vast majority of the civil servants was eligible to receive identical health care from the NHS.

So, whats responsible? Many have come to conclude its one's working conditions that plays the biggest role in health. Some people, such as Nancy Adler at UCSF, have gone further, claiming that stress is a major connection between socio-economic status and health (check out the link for a great interview). Its clear how a grim sense of futility developed at the bottom of the food chain can lead to disaster. Both common sense and science have shown that a sense of powerlessness is intimately linked to depression and other psychiatric disorders.

So where am I going with this? Well, there's been a lot of discussion this election year about equality and coverage. While you can make the argument that a baseline level of care is an absolute necessary, it will only get you so far. The fact of the matter is, if you're low on the ladder and don't have opportunity for self-direction, chances are you're going to succumb to some bad habits. The majority of smokers are towards the bottom of the socio-economic chain; are they going to stop smoking just because they have a doctor to tell them to? How helpful will it be to have a health care plan jammed down there throat? These are not liberating ideas; they just feed into the cycle of powerlessness and the resulting poor health.

There's no easy solution when it comes to equality and health care. No presidential platform will give people the impetus to become self-reliant, healthy individuals. It takes hope, something that can't simply be peddled from a Washington office.

Caffeine myth

2008-03-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

Caffeine's diuretic effect seems pretty self-evident, but this New York Times article offers up proof otherwise. I have one major qualm though. The studies cited used urine output volume as a major determinant for dehydration, but anyone whose gotten through exam periods fueled entirely by coffee and dining hall food realizes there are other ways liquid can be exumed (although I wouldn't want to work on THAT study). There's got to be a better way to measure dehydration.

Frequently Asked Questions... well, Questions

2008-03-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

The following are a list of questions I'm frequently asked, and by frequently, I mean once by my girlfriend over dinner when I told her I was starting a blog.

Q) What is an "epoché?"

A) Epoché is a philosophical term that describes a state in which all notions of reality are momentarily suspended to allow complete introspection. In this state, one can development a framework with which to analyze existence.

It is also a type of Greek danish.

Q) You should change the name.

A) Thats not a question.

Q) Who is this blog for?

A) Namely people interested in science and/or medicine. I'm currently working as a research assistant and about to head into my first year of medical school, so I'm hoping to share some interesting experiences I'm exposed to along the way.

Q) Do you have any pictures of dogs spooning cats?

A) Yes. Yes I do.

Q) Why are you doing this?

A) I had too much caffeine one day at work. Also, it gives me the opportunity to use the phase "I can't wait to blog about this!" in public. I'll be working on my HTML, so that with enough hard work and creativity, I can make it as tacky as your cousin's MySpace page.

Q) In an age where blogging has become as commonplace as mass advertisement, isn't a personal blog just a narcisistic self-indulgence of an already played-out media?

A) You misspelled narcissistic.

Q) Sorry.

A) Thats okay.

So you have to present... (Part 1)

2008-03-03T16:02:00.001-08:00

An essential component of research is the lab meeting. Its the perfect opportunity for you to get up and share your work with a knowledgeable and experienced supervisor, who in turn uses that knowledge to tear you a new one, pointing out glaring holes in your experimental design that should have come up three meetings ago. It is also the chance to show your valued adviser the product of all your tireless hard work. However, that would result in a very short meeting.

Don't worry. No one in academia actually does much work. If your boss was that productive, they wouldn't be holding this stupid meeting to begin with. Its really just an excuse to have a nice hour-long buffer before the day starts, which can be extended by asking ridiculous questions that gives them more time to enjoy their coffee. Why waste their time with five slides on "Future Work"? The following are far more enjoyable ways to pass the morning hours, which will ensure you are never asked to present again. I tried to make them general enough for those with non-science jobs.

1) The Pump-up: Put together a Power Point detailing your workout routine, complete with maximum bench press and tasteful gym pictures. If your boss begins to ask a question, challenge them to an arm wrestling match.

2) The Experiment: Experiments not working? Go for a sure thing! The Volcano has been wowing your superiors since before you could properly pronounce the word "banana." Pause for ooo's and aah's as you recreate a foamy Mt Vesuvius, complete with doomed, plastic toy soldiers. Advances in modern science has even rendered the paper mache mountain obsolete; one only needs a 2-liter bottle of diet coke and mentos to get the job done. Other favorites include the Mini-Cyclone and Dancing Raisin. Its also the perfect way to illuminate and dazzle the mind at your next deposition or proposal.

3) The Psych Out: Come to the meeting donned in a home-made aluminum foil hat. Gently inform your supervisor that they can no longer read your mind. Spend the remainder of the meeting staring them down, bonus points if you can make your nose bleed. If at any point your hat falls off, clutch your head and scream, "Get out! Get out!" Proceed to exit.